


Do it fast, do it slow, you control the tempo

by Decalcomania



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Jaebum, Constructive Criticism Welcome, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Riding, Rimming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-09-14 20:37:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9202160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Decalcomania/pseuds/Decalcomania
Summary: Youngjae realizes out of the blue that he likes Jaebum a little more that one should like someone who is barely more than an acquaintance and a regular but casual fuck.





	1. Chapter 1

Youngjae realizes out of the blue that he likes Jaebum a little more that one should like someone who's barely more than an acquaintance and a regular but casual fuck. He'd laugh if he weren't balls deep into him and intent on making him scream louder than himself for once. As is, he regards the whole thing as spectacularly bad news and bad timing and he can't stop the expletive which escapes him in his surprise.

"Fuck !"

Jaebum turns his head just enough to send him a look which is filled with less curiosity than challenge over his shoulder.

"Yes, and harder if you please." He grits through clenched teeth, voice tight and uneven.

Youngjae rolls his eyes. Jaebum being an exacting asshole? Must be a day that ends in y. Still, he can resist neither the heated look sent his direction nor the way Jaebum arches his back and pushes into him. He slides one hand into the black locks, pulling at them hard enough to elicit a pained groan and begins to snap his hips, enjoying how the groan turns into one, then many, of pleasure.

Youngjae is much more interested in exploring how shameless Jaebum can be than the sudden revelation, so he thrusts harder and takes a nipple between his licked wet fingers to play with. He does until Jaebum is no longer on his hands and knees, too lost in pleasure to be able to maintain any other position but ass up in the air and face buried in his pillow in a desperate attempt to muffle his moans and groans. Youngjae isn't in a much better state, what with clenching around his cock and sending him heated half lidded gazes to spur him to fuck even harder into him. Jaebum is unable to lift his head up for very long, looking utterly wrecked every time he does, cheeks and ears flushed, red kissed mouth ajar around gasps and moans, teeth occasionally biting into flesh and metal. Youngjae doesn't think he's ever been more attracted to anyone in his life. It's all very unfortunate.

Jaebum feels so, so good and the quick motions of his arm as he fucks into his fist in step with Youngjae's thrusts are mesmerizing. The play of his back muscles, tensing and relaxing in short succession indicates he's getting close to release. Youngjae is not far behind and he leans to bite down where the shoulder meets neck when he feels he can't contain the volume of his voice anymore. Not that he's been especially good at keeping it under control until now, but the least he can do is try not to let the whole dorm know how much he's enjoying himself.

His bite is stronger than necessary, teeth almost breaking the skin. Youngjae is usually more careful but he's not feeling a lot of mercy since he's assailed by a sudden desire to kiss Jaebum, which stems from more than the pragmatic need to drown out their voices. He relishes Jaebum's annoyed growl, which turns into a choked out scream when he comes onto his sheets and chest after some merciless grinding against his prostate. The clench of his ass makes Youngjae see white and it doesn't take more than a few frantic thrusts until he is coming too.

He doesn't move right away, all of his remaining strength used to prevent him from draping himself across the sturdy back beneath him since Jaebum seems to have enough trouble breathing as it is. When he finally slides out of Jaebum, he collapses against Jaebum's side while trying not to fall ass or face first on the floor. The narrow bed barely accommodates their fucking, when they're on top of each other, so laying side by side always proves to be an extra challenge.

  
"I know we've established that I don't mind a little pain but that doesn't mean you have free rein to go full Hannibal Lecter on me."

Youngjae looks up from his crotch where he's busy trying to remove the condom in the less unpleasant way for his oversensitive softening cock and meets Jaebum's annoyed glare with a roll his eyes.

"That's what you get for being so damn demanding," He says while he disposes of the used condom in the bin beside the bed and sits up to retrieve his clothes from where they're haphazardly discarded on the floor.

"What? Karma biting me in the shoulder?" Jaebum drawls.

He is sprawled on his side, supported up by one elbow, and he is looking at him with amusement. Youngjae shoots him a wry smile but doesn't answer right away, concentrating on pulling up boxers and pants while standing on shaky legs.

He usually stays long enough for the after effects of his orgasm to subside but if he's honest with himself, which he tends to be even when confronted with sudden unwelcome feelings, he can't get away fast enough now. He doesn't have any more urges to kiss Jaebum right on his snake bites just for the sake of it, but he's afraid he might again if he gets too complacent and allows Jaebum to cuddle him like they sometimes do. Like Jaebum wants to now, if the way he's pulling Youngjae towards him with his index crooked in one of the front pockets of his jeans seems to signal. Youngjae manages to sidestep the motion when he leans down to pick up shirt and sweater.

"Well, as you've said, we've established that you'd probably enjoy it too much if it was in your ass."

Jaebum makes a sound between a snort and a chortle and smacks him on the thigh.

"Fuck off. And I resent the accusation: I don't come close to how bossy you get when you're bottoming."

Youngjae bursts out laughing, disbelieving, arms awkwardly restrained by his sweatshirt, which is only halfway on. Finally, he calms down enough to pull it over his head.

"You're delusional if you think anyone is more of a textbook definition of a bossy bottom than you are. Then again you're no less bossy when you top..."

Jaebum raises an eyebrow and sits up, scooting to the edge of the bed until he's close enough to put his hands on Youngjae's waist and pulls him closer.

"Lies and slander. But speaking of topping, are you sure you have to go already ?"

Jaebum gives him his best Down To Fuck smirk, all greasy and sharp while his thumbs slide under the layers of clothes to rub circles on hip bones, where he knows from experience how sensitive the skin is.Youngjae has fading bruises from that time the previous week Jaebum saw fit to make him squirm as he sucked hard on the flesh. He shakes his head at how insatiable Jaebum is acting and does his best at pretending that need isn't starting to churn in his gut at the caress and blatant proposal. It's unfair that Jaebum should look this good so soon after having been wrecked so utterly. It isn't helping Youngjae's budding conundrum at all.

"Don't you have work to do? Because I'm pretty sure I heard you bemoaning about some essay you had to write before you threw me on your bed..."

Jaebum grimaces and lets out a frustrated groan." Fuck ! I can't believe I forgot."

Youngjae chuckles and pats the hands still on his hips, fueled by either compassion or faint condescension, he's not too sure which. Usually, it'll be the former, with not even a hint of the latter, but the revelation bestowed upon him not an hour ago is hard to swallow. He doesn't want that, doesn't want to have to deal with it and there's a part of him that can't help but resent Jaebum for it.

He smiles as congenially as he can under the less than favorable circumstances _."_ What can I say? I guess I'm just too good a distraction."

Jaebum shakes his head but grins nonetheless "That you are..."

Youngjae smacks the hands which are now groping his ass and picks up his backpack near the door. Its weight reminds him of the all the work he still has to do and he questions his decision to leave the library sooner than planned to go and fuck Jaebum instead. He resists the urge to sigh: he's usually better than this at fighting off his base instincts. And who knows, maybe he wouldn't be burdened with the new metaphorical weight if he hadn't yielded.

"Good luck then. Oh and I'll be busy all week so count me out of your stress relief methods."

Jaebum pouts and murmurs something that suspiciously sounds like «stress balls aren't as great as real ones » under his breath and Youngjae just barely resists the urge to facepalm. He stomps hard on the chuckle which threatens to break free at the sheer awfulness of the sentence. Jaebum doesn't need more encouragement for unleashing his terrible sense of humor on unsuspecting people.

"I'm going to do us both a favor and pretend I didn't hear this. And I don't know, call your number 2 or something."

Jaebum only grins, in all evidence unrepentant then raises an eyebrow."What makes you so sure you're my number one?"

Youngjae raises an eyebrow too, not deigning to answer. He sees Jaebum at least once a week and since the latter has, like him, school work and a part time job to juggle with, Youngjae doesn't need Mark's expert maths skills to know he is. But he's not too interested in fighting for the shabby honor of being someone's favorite hook up. And he's also eager to cut any greed he might feel for Jaebum at the source before it might bloom into something even more dangerous. He doesn't have time for this.

"Then call whoever is.''

To which Jaebum pouts and replies in an almost whiny tone. "I can't."

He doesn't say anything more and looks at him expectantly. Youngjae isn't too keen on indulging him but he caves in after the third poke on his thigh.

"Why not?" "he drawls, hoping to convey how unimpressed he is with Jaebum's sudden bout of childishness.

Jaebum smiles. "Well, he just said to me not to bother him for a whole week."

What kind of nonsense. Youngjae doesn't know what expression he's making but Jaebum seems to find it hilarious, judging by his shit-eating grin. It makes him look younger, and a bit silly too, nothing like the usual standoffish beauty thing he has going for himself. Youngjae has always liked those moments where he could peek beneath the surface when Jaebum looked less untouchable (since for all the touching they did do, Youngjae never felt he could quite reach him). Now he begins to see how foolish and risky this line of thought was. Is.

He sighs. "You're unbelievable... Bye now."

He doesn't know what to add and doesn't want to stay even for one more second so he doesn't and with a final wave to a surprised looking Jaebum, he walks out the door.

 

  
 _"So,_  " Mark says in a drawl, looking up from his bowl of cereal he's been staring at for the last minutes to shoot Youngjae a bleary yet sharp gaze

"Yes ?"

"What's wrong with you? You've been weird all week."

Youngjae gapes a little, surprised less at the bluntness than at how unusually chatty Mark is being considering he hasn't had a sip of his coffee yet.

"I haven't," he denies in a hurry and tries not to wince at the defensiveness of his tone.

He doesn't know how Mark manages to make drinking orange juice intimidating, especially since Youngjae can still hear him whine about how "yucky" the pulp is, but he does. Just a smidge. It's a close call but Youngjae doesn't fidget under the gaze and he stands his ground, even if he feels all too much like a naughty child asked to confess his misdemeanour by a very disappointed parent.

Mark finally puts down his now empty glass and narrows his eyes.

"Yes, you have. Ever since you came back from your little... tryst at Jaebum's." His stern composure shatters when he smiles wide and big, no doubt entertained by his very inaccurate depiction of what exactly went on. A tired, barely woken up Mark is a very easily amused Mark, as Youngjae's found out since their first week of sharing a room.

It never fails to stir fondness in him and it's that, coupled with the certainty Mark won't let go until he gets answers, which makes Youngjae share what has been bugging him those last few days, not before giving him a last scowl for good measure.

Thing is, he's not too sure what to say or how to qualify the sudden shift. For all the time he spent mulling it, he doesn't know as of yet whether to classify it as a minor inconvenience or more and truth be told he's not too eager to find out. Still, Mark gives out good advice when he bothers to so it may be worth the shot.

"... I think I'm into Jaebum." He groans and hides his head in his hands in shame, the rest of his sentence coming off muffled "I can't believe this..."

"Well, I for one can. Quite easily actually. You know, considering the gross amount of times you've probably been in _side_ each other those past few months."

Mark punctuates the sentence with a grin, looking way too pleased with himself at the joke. Or is it a pun? Youngjae isn't sure. Not that it matters since it doesn't deserve to be called either name, dreadful like it is.

Scratch that previous thought about good advice then. Here he is, sharing what's burdening him instead of dwelling on it on his own like he tends to do and Mark reciprocates his trust with a gross innuendo filled joke/pun. Great. He scans the room to find something to throw at his hyung while idly wondering why Jaebum doesn't seem to appreciate Mark, seeing as they both have a terrible sense of humor at times. It's not enough to bond over, but surely they could recognize one another as kindred spirits of sorts. They could be the founders and sole members of a very exclusive club reserved for stunning people with a slightly rebellious streak and a great fondness for terrible jokes and Park Jinyoung.

Park Jinyoung. Ah yes, here is probably the reason of the awkwardness between them. Youngjae does his best to extinguish the faint embers of jealousy, unwilling to have his newly found, unfortunate inclination make him behave irrationally and forget that he actually likes his sunbae. Not to the extent of gazing at him with heart eyes like those two tend to do, but he's been nothing but nice and warm the few times he's talked to him, not too mention interesting. Youngjae wouldn't mind getting to know him better.

"Forget I said anything."

"Ok ok, sorry. But bad joke aside, I was serious: you see each other a lot, with increasing frequency too, and putting aside the fact that you get each other on a physical level, you also seem to have an amicable relationship outside of the bedroom. It's no surprise you have developed feelings."

Youngjae almost chokes on his tea at the last word, which, even in all its vagueness, is still too much to handle coming from someone else's mouth. It's making it all too real when he is still hoping this is some kind of incredibly vivid fever induced nightmare.

"That's... there's." He bursts out laughing in disbelief of the whole situation, having trouble to rein in his hilarity when he takes in his hyung's flabbergasted face, but he manages after a while. "Nothing, there's nothing."

"Sure. But you're the psych student here. I don't think you need me to tell you how repression is bad for you."

"I'm not repressing anything. I just don't feel too eager to jump so fast into something when I'm not even that sure what it is I'm feeling. Let alone why."

"...Just checking, because I know you were quite serious about that first love of yours before you decided that the best way to get over him was to play rodeo on Jaebum's dick but... You know love doesn't work like that, right ?"

Youngjae couldn't stop the loud shocked gasp if he wanted too. He replies as fast as he can, voice a little too loud: "I don't love him. God, hyung, it's nothing like that. Not even close."

Mark lifts his hand not holding the spoon placatingly."Alright... I didn't mean to offend you or anything. How did this happen anyway?"

Oh, nothing much. Just with me thinking suddenly I would very much like to rain kisses on his back and take it slow, nothing like our usual frantic way of doing things. With the feeling of my heart being squeezed painfully as if between fingers as I realized how sad I was that I could know so many things about the best way to make him moan and writhe with pleasure and so little about what makes him tick, which things make him happy or sad. With me wondering why does he look so burdened most of the time and wishing I could do something about it.

Of course, that's not what he says, too conflicted about these feelings to want to give body to them with his words.

So he shakes his head and shrugs. "I don't know, the way these things do. Randomly, with no rhyme or reason."

Mark doesn't quite seem convinced by the platitude, but after one last searching look, he goes back to eat his breakfast, his silence uninterrupted by Youngjae, who is realizing it's shaping to be more of a major problem than a minor inconvenience.


	2. Chapter 2

Youngjae looks at the time on his computer. 1:14. He lets out a deep sigh as his eyes wander back to the open word document. The cursor is blinking, taunting him. He's lucky the essay isn't due for another week. The writing so far has been grueling, consisting of a lot of spacing out and staring at his screen interspersed with a few rushes of inspiration and sentences typed at high speed.

He yawns and shakes his head to try and get rid of the torpor taking hold of him. He's a night owl and has grown used to burn the midnight oil so he shouldn't be this tired. His routine is intensive sure, what with his psychology and art classes as wells as his shifts at the barbecue restaurant near campus, but he's been handling it just fine since the semester started. However, the last two weeks have been...frustrating, to the say the least.

He's too busy to afford distractions. And yet, distracted is all he's been. _Fucking Im Jaebum._

It's not like Youngjae wastes hours of his day pining after him, but he still thinks about him way more than he wants to. More than he used to. And it's been slowly driving him up the wall.

"You should call it a night."

Mark's voice is barely above a whisper but it startles him all the same. Youngjae swivels his chair and squints in the direction of the bed opposite his desk. Even like that he can't see much, everything pitch-dark except for the light of his computer which he turned down to allow his roommate some much-needed rest.

"I thought you were asleep."

"I was. I woke up after your thousandth sigh."

The exaggeration and the blank, monotonous delivery startles a laugh out of him. "That much, huh?"

"Yep. Terrible racket, couldn't stay asleep. That and I'm super hungry for some reason...But seriously, go to sleep Youngjae." Mark says a bit louder this time as he sits up.

"I'm fine, it's not even that late."

"You've been working on this essay for hours already. And given how many times you've sighed in the last ten minutes alone..."

"At least a thousand times,"  Youngjae says with utmost seriousness.

Mark giggles. "At the very least... Anyway, it's a pretty safe bet to say you're getting nowhere with it."

Youngjae sighs again, shoulders slumping a bit as he glances back at his computer.

"I'm just a bit distracted, that's all."

It's coming in small things, from drinking coffee and being curious about how Jaebum takes it. From attending people on dates and wondering if he has always been like this, interested in nothing but the pleasure another body can get him. It comes from feeling exhausted with the sheer effort it takes to balance his obligations and some personal time and wondering if Jaebum has figured out a way to manage it somehow. After all, he's a lit major with a photography minor, writes for the college newspaper and goes at enough parties that everyone seems to have at least heard of him. And with all that, Youngjae can count on one hand the times he's heard him complain. A confidence so rare in fact that Youngjae can never quite get used to it. He always flounders as he tries to reply before Jaebum shrugs it off like he never said anything. Before he does his best to make Youngjae forget he ever did.

These are passing thoughts at best. He doesn't dwell on them but they're always there, in a corner of his mind. He pushes against them again and again and they push back, just as relentless, a burden he didn't ask for.

He's startled out of his thoughts by a tap on his shoulders. He looks up, eyes wide on his hyung who is looming over him with his eyes half closed and his hair's a mess. He must be more tired than he thought he was given that he didn't see Mark get up and walk across the room.

"Let's get something to eat."

"But I'm not hungry."

"Then get something to drink instead. I'll pay. Come on, Jae-Yah, you're stuck. And if you're not going to sleep, then at least take the opportunity to get some fresh air. It can't hurt."

Youngjae nods and gets out of his chair, movements slow as he puts on shoes and sweater.

  
-  
They don't talk much on the way to the convenience store, both too drowsy for sustained conversation. Youngjae is already feeling better though, invigorated by the walk, short as it is. It lasts until he sees who is manning the counter through the large window. Jaebum. Of course. He wonders how crappy he must have been in his past lives to deserve that.

Before he can propose to Mark to wait for him outside, the latter drags him into the store by the hand, heading straight for the ramyeon section. Youngjae squeezes his eyes shut when they enter, the lights so bright they're verging on painful. He brings his hood further down his face, effectively shielding him from the glaring lights and his hook up.

Though a glance at the latter makes him think he might not have bothered since he's giving his undivided attention to the man talking to him. Youngjae can't help to let his gaze linger, curiosity getting the best of him when Jaebum bursts out laughing. It's not the first time Youngjae has seen him laugh, but it's an unfamiliar sight and he is a bit transfixed by it.

His companion, friend or more, is a bit on the shorter side. He's wearing a cap, large sweater, and sweatpants, all of it black. The hair at the nape of his neck seems clear, either white or blond, Youngjae can't tell. He's pretty sure he's heard this high-pitched laughter before but he can't place it. Not that it matters, he reminds himself and brings his attention back to the selection of snacks in front of him. He can feel Mark's eyes on him but decides to ignore it for now.

As soon as he's made his choice Mark is dragging him to the counter, his hand still clasped tight in his.

"Hey ! If it isn't Markie Mark ! Markie Pooh! So hyung, how come you ditched me last week?"

Youngjae raises an eyebrow at the terms of endearment, chuckling at the embarrassment plain on Mark's face, and watches the conversation unfold after saying a brief hello to Jaebum.

"Ditched you?"

The blond gasps, hand flying to his chest. "Oh my god, how can you not remember? I had free movie tickets and you said you'd think about it except you didn't, you traitor! I had to ask Jaebum hyung to go with me instead."

"The horror," Mark drawls, and Youngjae tries not to wince. It's obvious he's only half-joking and a glance at Jaebum's closed off face informs him that the latter is quite aware of the fact.

Jackson's eyes go back and forth between Mark and Jaebum and he seems to decide the best way to diffuse the tension is to go even more overdrive with his complaint. "Yes, exactly! He insisted we'd watch the latest horror movie and since he's my hyung, only by three months mind you, but anyway since he's my hyung, I couldn't say no. It's been awful! I've been having nightmares ever since."

Youngjae knows it's rude to be amused by his distress, not to mention a bit hypocritical since himself is a scaredy cat, but he can't help it. He tries to make his wide grin less obvious by turning to his side. It's at this moment he catches Jaebum's eyes. He holds his gaze, amusement forgotten fast. The slow smirk and the way Jaebum is looking at him up and down, gaze lingering on his lips make him a bit short of breath. God, it's been too long.

He swallows hard and turns away, watching Jackson finish his rant with wide gestures. Mark is grinning when he introduce them.

"Jackson, meet Youngjae, my roommate. Youngjae, this is Jackson, I met him at the international students' party BamBam dragged me to a few weeks ago."

"Nice to meet you, Youngjae-Yah. Jackson Wang, 22 years-old, fencer extraordinaire, wild and sexy... "

Youngjae cracks up just when Jaebum cuts Jackson off with an annoyed "For fuck sake, this isn't fucking Grindr Jackson, stop introducing yourself like that."

Jackson doesn't even spare him a glance and continues. "As I was saying, I'm on the fencing team and I'm studying to become a physical therapist. You can call me hyung."

Youngjae answers to Jackson's wide grin with one of his own. "Oh. Hum, really? Nice to meet you too then, Jackson hyung. Hum, My full name is Choi Youngjae, I'm 20 and I'm studying art therapy."

They don't talk much after that, as there is a sudden rush of customers that Jaebum has to ring up. They say their goodbyes and Youngjae tries not to think too much about how Jaebum undressed him with his eyes once more before they left.

 

-  
"So how are you handling your... thing with Jaebum?" Mark asks once they're in the communal kitchen, a bowl of ramyeon between them.

He blows on his noodles and brings the chopsticks close to Youngjae's face.

Youngjae sighs but takes the bite anyway. He deserves comfort for the fast growing pent-up sexual frustration Jaebum left him with."I told you. There's nothing to talk about."

He plays with his rings, everything better than to meet Mark's inquisitive gaze right now.

"Ok so why were you avoiding him then?"

Youngjae forces a smile. Maybe if he keeps pretending that there is nothing to talk about Mark will drop the subject. It seemed to work fine the first time around.

"I wasn't."

He's not lying either. Not really. It's just that he thought it would take him only one week to put his mind in order and when he failed to do so one week became two. He's had enough assignments that it didn't feel like lies when he answered Jaebum's texts with a _"sorry, busy"._

"Youngjae. I had to literally drag you into the store. And I'm pretty sure it's the longer you two have been without seeing each other."

He's right. Youngjae isn't the greatest with dates and numbers but he knows this because he's wasted half an hour earlier today going through their conversation history. Texts consisting of times followed by question marks, one or two words answers, « yes », « no », « can't » and « maybe later ? ». Always so succinct. Funny how it never used to make him feel so cheap.

It shouldn't matter but it does, somehow. He wants to talk about it just about as much as he wants to think about it, so not at all. He narrows his eyes at Mark, who sighs and shakes his head "Look Youngjae, I'm not trying to stir shit up with you. I'm just worried, alright."

"I appreciate your concern, hyung, but there is no reason for it."

Mark shakes his head again, words coming off quieter than usual. "I don't get it."

"Don't get what?"

"You. You don't usually flee from stuff like that. I don't know why you are doing that now."

Youngjae doesn't understand what is so hard to get. He doesn't want to try and get more involved with someone he's not positive he even likes as a person. Sure, Jaebum seems like an okay guy, but he's also too serious for his own good, demanding, short-tempered, not to mention downright abrasive at times. All in all, a terrible match for him.

More importantly, Youngjae doesn't want serious. He's done serious. He's done the whole head over heels, ride or die, « I want to spend my life with you » love. He thought they were perfect for each other, right up to the point it blew up in his face. He doesn't know how to get over someone who leaves you not because they don't love you but because they can't bear to let their family down. And it may be idiotic and self-sabotaging but he's in no hurry to learn it.

"I believe we've had this conversation already, hyung."

Mark huffs, eyes piercing through Youngjae. "Fine. I won't bother you anymore with this. But just so you know I'm reserving the first 'I told you so' when the denial comes to bite you in the ass. As it's bound to do."  
  
Youngjae smacks him on the arm but chuckles all the same. The last fortnight has brought its lot of nuisances but he's pretty sure this is a simple infatuation born of lust. He doesn't know Jaebum and doesn't intend to, so just like a bad cold, the feelings he's caught are bound to be flushed out of his system sooner rather than later.

"You've got yourself a deal."

  
-  
After those two weeks of overworking and overthinking have gone by. Youngjae feels like buzzing out of his skin from the caffeine ingested and the lack of sex. He's entertained the thought of hooking up with someone else but... well, he doesn't know quite how. His experience with one night stands begins and ends with Jaebum when he had sex with him at some party three months or so after his break up with Woohyun. He was feeling lonely, craving someone else's touch and Jaebum had been there, as hot as they come and so very willing to indulge him. It didn't take more than this.

He didn't expect the one night stand to become the long-standing arrangement it is now, but the sex was great and he couldn't think of a single reason why they shouldn't make it a more regular thing. It fulfilled his needs enough he's never bothered looking for someone else. Maybe he should have, he thinks as he sends a text to Jaebum two days after their encounter at the store, half aware that it may not be the best decision. He squashes the satisfaction he gets at the almost instantaneous answer and gets ready.

As always they meet in Jaebum's room, taking advantage of the fact that he doesn't have a roommate. Jaebum pulls Youngjae into the room between his first knock and his projected second. They don't say a word before they lunge forward at the same time, kissing like some other people might if they missed one another, with more tongue and teeth than their usual pace. They pull at their clothes with carelessness, clawing at each other until they stumble naked on the bed.

With a few words exchanged they rearrange themselves until Jaebum's on top of Youngjae. He bends over him, no doubt to retrieve something from his sex stash near the head of the bed. He likes to keep all the necessities within arm's reach and Youngjae can't help but smile at his always prepared attitude. His smile disappears as soon as he glances up at Jaebum, whose eyes are boring into his while he slicks up his fingers with lube and reaches behind him. He leans forward with his hand splayed on Youngjae's chest and prepares himself. Youngjae can't see anything but he can guess plenty from Jaebum's look of concentration, the light squelching noises and the panting which only seems to get louder with each flick of his wrist.

Never content to just watch, Youngjae slides down a bit between Jaebum's wide-splayed thighs, until he's close enough to wrap his hand around Jaebum's wrist and push it upward, helping him fingering himself open. Jaebum closes his eyes and moans. He grinds down onto his hand, sighing when Youngjae releases his wrist to circle his hole with his fingers. Youngjae keeps the pads light against the rim, enjoying how he can feel Jaebum's fingers move in and out of it. Jaebum lets out a long, drawn-out cry when Youngjae pushes his index in along the three fingers already inside him. Only a knuckle in and Jaebum's cock has gone a bit softer but, to Youngjae's absolute lack of surprise, he's pushing hard down their hands like he needs more.

Youngjae decides to indulge him. With his free arm, he feels around the sheets until his hand finds the discarded bottle of lube. A loud moan brings his attention back to Jaebum, who has his head thrown back and angled to the side. His bangs obscure what little of his face Youngjae can see, but it's more than enough to make him feel sucker-punched. Youngjae's eyes travel down the face and throat to his sculpted chest and the hand playing with a nipple. 

Youngjae bites down a moan and after some fumbling, he manages to open the lube with one hand. He squirts a bit of it in his hand and it's messy but it does the trick just fine when he slides his hand on Jaebum's cock. At the same time he's jerking him off he pushes his finger deeper in, knuckle by knuckle, until it is swallowed up in the tight heat. Jaebum cries out and he abandons his nipple to steady himself with one hand on Youngjae's chest as he lowers himself hard on Youngjae's hand. Youngjae encircles the wrist with his other hand to control Jaebum's forceful pace.

"Fuck, Youngjae. Come on !" he growls.

"No. What would I get if I let you cum like that?"

"My gratitude?"

Youngjae laughs, but it cuts shorts and comes off a bit wheezing when Jaebum sits back up and takes his cock in hand and teases the slit. He glares as Jaebum smirks.

"I'd rather have an orgasm, thank you."

"C'mon. You know I'd get you off."

"Yes, sure. Not before getting off for the second time. I know how greedy you can be Im Jaebum."

"Fine. Grab a condom."

He could do just that, he supposes, but Jaebum's been nothing but an annoyance (unaware of it but still) to him these past two weeks and he thinks it's only fair to get under his skin as payback. So he cocks an eyebrow at him and asks, "And with what hand do you propose I do that?" his hand tightening around Jaebum's cock at the same time he curls his index inside him, trying to locate his prostate.

Jaebum narrows his eyes, staring down at him but Youngjae only smiles, betting on Jaebum's impatience. And sure enough, after a few seconds, the latter closes his eyes and sighs, gritting an exasperated "Fine."

He doesn't move right away and Youngjae takes advantage of it. "Left hand." He says, smirking at the look of frustration on Jaebum's face. "I'll take care of it for you, don't worry," he adds. He can be gracious after all.

Jaebum growls again but straightens up as he slowly pulls his fingers out of his ass. He's groaning and his abs and thighs tense up, giving Youngjae the best visual. He stares down at Youngjae, obviously waiting for him to make good on his promise but Youngjae shakes his head. Instead, he chooses the moment Jaebum leans over to retrieve it to thrust his fingers deeper into him and crook them up. Not too delicate but he is pretty loose at this point and Youngjae knows his pain threshold like the back of his hand. And sure enough, Jaebum cries out, low and deep, his breath hitting Youngjae square in the face. The latter flushes at the proximity but can't help but repeat the movement, heat churning in his gut when Jaebum moans and pushes into the fingers before rolling his hips against Youngjae's stomach.

"F-fuck Youngjae, I thought you didn't want me to come just yet."

"I don't, but I couldn't resist. You're very pretty when you're needy."

As far as Youngjae's concerned, the way Jaebum always glares at him when he calls him pretty is a great incentive to keep doing it.

"Fuck you."

Youngjae smiles. "I'm pretty sure it's going to be the other way around, actually."

Jaebum moans and doesn't say another thing as he tears open the wrapper and discards it on the bed before he rolls the condom on Youngjae's dick with practiced motions. As soon as he's done, Youngjae removes his fingers and guides his cock until its head brushes the rim. Jaebum sinks on his cock, not stopping until his ass slap against Youngjae's balls. When he's properly impaled, Jaebum breathes out a sigh that sounds like relief as much as pleasure. A bit like pain too but Youngjae doesn't worry too much: Jaebum's impatience is only matched by his taste for roughness. An edge of it to make his pleasure sharper. And sure enough, there are moans and whimpers stumbling off his lips as soon as he starts riding Youngjae. He keeps one hand on his chest for balance, the other on the headboard of his bed for added force.

Youngjae is a moaning mess too. It's perfect, all of it, the tight heat around his cock, the look on Jaebum's face as he rides him hard and fast. Jaebum is bouncing up and down his cock with urgency, dick slapping against his stomach. Youngjae's head swims with pleasure. It rings from the harsh pants and the sound of skin slapping skin, balls against ass, dick against stomach. It's loud enough that it's all Youngjae can hear whenever they're not moaning.

He wraps a hand tight around Jaebum's cock, jerking him off in step with his thrusts upwards. It takes them some time to find a working rhythm, a compromise between Jaebum's fast staccato pace and Youngjae's steadier one. It's as messy as it is good and Youngjae would be lying if he said he didn't miss Jaebum's demands, his growled « C'mon» and « Fuck, faster» making Youngjae want to ruin him all the more.

It takes a few angled thrusts and readjustments to find Jaebum's prostate. When he does, as signaled by Jaebum's sudden wanton cry, he stops his thrusting to grind against it. He loves how Jaebum reacts to it, no shame or self-consciousness when he throws his head back and shouts again. How his voice gets hoarse when Youngjae grips his ass and pushes him further down while he bucks upwards. Right _there_. Over and over again. Grinding and slides of hand until Jaebum is breathless. Until he's gasping and panting, voice so used his moans and whimpers break more times that they don't.

Until he comes all over himself and Youngjae's hand.

Air is punched out of Youngjae's lungs as he feels and watches Jaebum climax. The clench of his ass, his eyes fluttering close, the messy hair sticking to his forehead with sweat, the fingers digging into his chest, his mouth open around a cry. He looks breathtaking. The afternoon light accentuates the dark gold of his skin and catches the beads of sweat as they roll down his body. Youngjae follows one with his gaze. The trail from jaw, throat, collarbone. The slow glide on pectoral down to the nipple, where it stays suspended before it trails further down.

He licks his lips and resumes his thrusting, around the same time Jaebum begins to move again. He's clenching around his cock until it's all Youngjae can feel, the heat and tightness of him. His thrusts become frantic, he's so close, a rush of everything, blood and pleasure and air. He can't concentrate on anything but Jaebum over him, around him. Jaebum's fingers raking down his chest, his gaze piercing right through him. Jaebum biting his lower lip, snake bites against teeth and flesh, a look of deliberation on his face. Jaebum bending down to kiss him, a press of lips, no tongue, just enough to swallow down his cry as he reaches his climax.

  
Youngjae comes to a wild beating heart and shortness of breath. But it registers in a distant way compared to the discomfort around his cock. He winces and moans in protest. When he opens his eyes, he's met with Jaebum's somewhat apologetic gaze.

"Sorry, condom. Figured you'd be better off if I removed it now."

Youngjae's every muscle feel like jelly but he manages to lift his arm to make a vague waving gesture. He hopes it conveys "it's okay" since he's not sure he can trust his voice right now. Jaebum snorts and stands up.

Youngjae wonders for how long he's been out as he takes him in his naked, steady, non cum-stained glory.

"Not too long, don't worry."

Youngjae frowns, quite sure he hasn't spoken. "What?" he asks and tries not to wince at the rasp in his voice and dryness in his mouth and throat.

Jaebum snorts again and turns his back to Youngjae as he makes his way to his desk. He's limping a little and Youngjae doesn't even try to hide his satisfaction. He likes Jaebum best when he's well fucked and has something to show for it. Jaebum crouches to rummage through the sports bag at its feet. "I was saying you haven't been out for long."

"Oh. Okay." He doesn't add anything (what else is there to say ?) and takes a few seconds to admire Jaebum, the muscles of his back and the curve of his ass.

He allows himself some additional seconds to wallow in self-pity. How is he supposed to sort out his feelings for Jaebum when his attraction to him makes him so addle-brained?

He snaps out of it at the sudden cold against his cheek. When he looks up he's face to Jaebum's stomach and flaccid cock. He averts his eyes, feeling himself flush. It's ridiculous considering all the times he's been up close and personal with those. Still, he can't help this shyness he feels sometimes, in the brief moments they don't fuck.

"Drink," Jaebum intimates as he sits down next to Youngjae. Youngjae takes the bottled water in his hand and downs half of it in one go.

He opens his eyes at the low chuckle next to his ear. He turns his head to fix a questioning gaze on Jaebum, who is looking at him with an amused expression.

"Guess you really needed that, huh?"

"What?"

"You've just moaned."

"No, I didn't." Youngjae bites back, embarrassed. He can do brazen and tease too but he's suddenly reminded of the last time he's been here and all he can think of is how bad an idea this was.

Jaebum raises an eyebrow, calling Youngjae's attention to the metal beads it's adorned with. Then, in the familiar pattern his gaze tends to follow, Youngjae looks to the twin moles right under. So pretty. Jaebum gives him his best smirk and takes the bottle from Youngjae's hand unceremoniously, downing the rest of it.

"You did. And it was pretty hot."

And Youngjae feels a bit flustered once more. Jaebum is not shy of complimenting him, but he usually does when they're having sex. This is the line. The line neither of them spoke of but the line they've established nonetheless. No flirting except as a joke. No kissing except as a preamble or a way to keep quiet. No compliments of any kind outside of how good they make each other feel or how much they turn each other on. All to serve as reminders of the shallow intimacy they share. Every single rule spelling in one way or another "no strings attached".

There's the point of the cuddling, recent in their three months and a half "relationship". Less cuddling actually than laying side by side and sharing warmth until the aftermath has passed. Youngjae guesses it would feel a lot more awkward if it didn't happen when they were at their most exhausted and in a post mind-shattering-sex daze.

"... Okay." He stops there, racking his brain to come up with something else to say.

Anything else before the awkwardness sets in, that special extra awkward kind when two strangers are sitting naked on a bed next to each other with nothing to exchange but long moments of silence. It's not like there are too many options of conversation. They don't do much small talk, which Youngjae guesses is as much due to the nature of their relationship that Jaebum's quietness.

They know enough to wrack the other with pleasure. No further knowledge needed, even less wanted. Well, Youngjae kinda wants to know more now, but he's certain it's all the more reason not to go down that road.

So he turns with Jaebum and leans close to breathe against his lips. "So how about a second round ?". He hasn't finished his sentence that Jaebum's over him, a dangerous glint in his eyes before he kisses him.

  
-  
Youngjae sees him a few days later at the library, focused on his computer screen, two neatly stacked up piles of books framing him. He's frowning and there are deep furrows on his forehead, made more visible by the way his hair is kept back by his headphones, showing off the shaved sides. All in all, he looks sour and unwelcoming. But, as another look around serves as a confirmation that his is the last free desk, Youngjae resigns himself and goes to sit face to him.

He thought he wouldn't be acknowledged, and it sure begins that way, Jaebum looking up before going back to his computer and typing for a few seconds. But then he looks at Youngjae again and slides down his headphones, going as far as giving him a small smile in greetings. Youngjae's own smile bigger that what is warranted by this common display of courtesy. but it doesn't matter too much when Jaebum's smile grow in response.

He smiles again when Jaebum brings the piles of books closer to himself, moving them inch by inch, one hand on the spines to steady them. Youngjae appreciates the liberated workspace and whispers his thanks, to which Jaebum answers with a nod.

"Getting swamped by your classes again?" Jaebum inquires.

And well, Youngjae can only shrug in response while he installs his stuff on the table. There are easier times, where the load gets lighter and he can breathe and enjoy himself. But as a rule, he's scrambling for time. And, judging by the heavy bags under Jaebum's eyes, so is he.

"Well, yes. But then again I don't have two huge piles of books around me, nor do I plan to, so I guess I'm doing okay."

Jaebum gives him one of his slight smile, a faint press of the lips, corners barely up. "I'm so glad that my misery is making you feel better. That's really what I wanted to hear after spending the better part of the day here. Thank you." He drawls.

It's dry but devoid of resentment and Jaebum's eyes crinkle, making the teasing obvious. Youngjae can't deny he likes the warmth to which Jaebum's cold and reserved facade gives way sometimes. Like buried embers under ashes, there is a soft glow to him. The warmth he gives out then lights Youngjae up in a way he tends to deny as not to be alarmed by its extent.

"You're welcome, happy to be of service, » Youngjae replies, tone cheery.

The banter is making him feel better about having to spend the next foreseeable hours in the library. At least he's in good company, he thinks while he boots his computer. Jaebum is shaking his head, but he seems amused and Youngjae can't help to feel some kind of satisfaction for making his frown disappear, at least for a while. It's not a goal he set out to accomplish by sitting here, but it brings a smile to his face all the same. He decides not to examine it and to enjoy their first real, non naked one-to-one interaction. He likes the novelty of it, how the studious look makes Jaebum only half as intimidating than usual.

Jaebum is looking at his computer again but his headphones are still around his neck at the moment, which Youngjae considers as good as a permission.

"Do you want some coffee?"

Jaebum looks up from his computer, eyes going back and forth from Youngjae's face to the thermos in his hand. The look of consideration is a fierce one. As always, Im Jaebum is unable to do anything in half measures, even for such mundane things. It can be intimidating, annoying even at times, but Youngjae has grown used to being stared at by him. It helps that he's sure there is not necessarily judgment behind the gaze, just consideration, cautiousness and a bit of general distrust.

"I'd like some, actually, thank you. I ran out a while back." he says with a small, almost shy smile, producing a thermos from behind one of the book piles.

It's bright rich red, surprising for someone who favors dark and muted colors. Youngjae wonders if he got it for himself or if he received it as a gift from a parent or a friend. He reminds himself he doesn't care and he fills the cup (metallic like the rest of his thermos, as nondescript as they come) with coffee.

"Here you go. You can take your time drinking it. I had like two mugs of the stuff before I got there."

"Thank you," Jaebum repeats as he takes the cup in his hands, movements slow and cautious as he brings it to his lips.

When he's not staring hard at his art history essay, trying to devise the best way to whip it into shape, Youngjae can't help but glance at him for his reaction. He put sugar in it (not too much because he's indulged enough in stress eating this week) and it's too late to mention it now. And yep, there it is, a wince. Jaebum is probably one of those purists who take their drink sugar-free, to better taste it. Youngjae never quite got that. He likes coffee fine, but not enough to drink the stuff plain.

"Sorry, I forgot to tell you that I put some sugar in it."

"You did?"

"Hum, yes? Isn't that why you looked so grossed out ?"

To Youngjae's surprise, Jaebum chuckles, lifting a hand to his mouth to muffle the sound. Then he grins at Youngjae for no good reason he can see, and answers.

"No, it's not. And huh, sorry for my face I guess. I am grateful. But I have the worst sweet tooth and can't stand coffee unless it's like half sugar."

His grin has dimmed down to a smile. There is a bit of self-consciousness in it as if Jaebum is aware how the information doesn't match his pierced, ripped jeans and leather jacket wearing self.

The contrast is a bit humorous and Youngjae can't help chuckling too. "I would have thought you to be one of those "dark and bitter like my soul" types to be honest," he says, leaving unsaid (and unacknowledged) how charmed he is with the new bit of information. He wishes he hadn't been so reasonable and had taken some snacks with him to share.

Jaebum is giving him one of his sharp smiles of his, with a hint of teeth that make the pink of his lips and the metal of his snake bites stand out in contrast. "Oh, dark and bitter am I?"

Youngjae feels chastised at the question. He's meant to tease him,  only to realize now that he may have been a bit rude instead. They're barely more than strangers after all.

"It wasn't an insult. It's just... You're a very serious person," he says and feels reassured when Jaebum doesn't seem to take offense at that and just nods in agreement. "And you...well,  you don't smile much."

He regrets the words when Jaebum's face is wiped clean of any smile or teasing expression, reverting to neutrality.

He nods again, lips pressed into a thin line, and gives Youngjae the now empty cup _. "I_ guess I don't," he says, his tone distant, removed. "Thanks again, I needed that. Good luck for your work", he adds.

And if the "this discussion is closed" vibe wasn't clear enough, he gets his attention back on his computer, a frown creasing his forehead again.

"Thanks, you too," Youngjae answers, words more quiet that the place requires.

He wonders if he should apologize but he's too taken aback for that, not to mention a bit annoyed at the way he's been shut off so suddenly. The best thing he can do is to let the thing go and concentrate on his own work. So he does just that. However, he can't help but glance at him from time to time. Whenever he does, Youngjae realizes that even now, even at the most unattractive he's ever seen him, with the heavy bags under his eyes and the unflattering light from his computer, he still wants to reach out and touch him. Not out of lust either. Just a brush of fingers to make sure he's real,  just for the sake of it,  and how terrible is that? 

Jaebum leaves the library after three more hours of pouring over his books and typing on his keyboard like a man possessed, saluting him with a stiff nod. Youngjae hates the rudeness and he hates even more that he can't pretend he doesn't care.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up, I'm thinking of changing the title of the fic in the near?far? future. Hopefully not to "my trash bb story", as I like to call it.

 

Youngjae groans as BamBam digs into his cupboards without mercy. It's been the same thing for over ten minutes now. BamBam takes out some clothes, unfolds them and examines them, most of the time with a disdainful purse of lips. For some, he nods before showing them to Yugyeom, presumably for further judgment.

 

So far, Youngjae's clothes haven't found much grace with them. None have passed the two selection levels and this one is no exception. BamBam shoves the shirt back into the drawer after the barest pretense at folding it. Youngjae moans. To think he dedicated a good hour over the weekend to rearranging the heaps of rumpled clothes into neater piles...

 

His "careful with that!" goes ignored: BamBam doesn't say anything or even glance at him. So rude. He sinks into his bed and turns to Mark for support, but the latter doesn't meet his gaze, his own in a daze. His hands play with the hem of his shirt, creasing then smoothing the fabric, over and over again.

 

Youngjae frowns. Mark's been distracted over the last few days. Quieter too. He has breached the subject with him, only for Mark to brush it off like it was nothing. Youngjae tears his gaze away from him with a sigh. Mark will come to him when he's ready to, but Youngjae's never been too good at sitting and waiting when he can sense something is not quite right.

 

BamBam and Yugyeom are once again debating over one article of clothing. There is a lot of head shaking going on as if Youngjae's wardrobe is in a shameful state. Youngjae disagrees: he happens to like his clothes, thank you very much. So what if his taste gears more towards oversized than the so-tight-it-could-be-painted-on fashion the two youngest favor?

 

He'd protest, however past experience has informed him of how useful it would be. Which is not very much. Indeed, since they became friends, BamBam has taken upon himself to get everyone party ready. It's his role, his  _"_ mission almost" he said one day, hand on his chest and eyes in the vague conveying his conviction.

 

He's a pro at guilt-tripping them too. Because, in his words: "If I want to be the next fashion Mogul like I intend to, I need more practice than my classes offer. And if you were half the supportive hyungs you pretend to be, you'd get it." 

 

Mark pulled his rarely used "I'm your hyung" card and gets away with not bothering to dress up much. Youngjae tried it too but to no avail.

 

"I don't understand why I have to go," he whines, to no one in particular since none of his friends are paying attention to him.

 

He buries his face into his pillow. Friday night or not, he's fine here. His rare free time would be better used to play games than to go to a party thrown by someone he doesn't even know.

 

Not to mention Jaebum may be there, which... Well. He bites his lips and squirms at the tightening in his stomach. He may not be in denial anymore about the fact that he somehow, somewhat cares a tiny bit but acceptance? Is still a long way away. And he can't say he's particularly striving towards it.

 

They've met twice since the library incident. A week had passed before Jaebum texted him, making it a week and a half since they had last fucked. Not that Youngjae was counting the days but it was a long time for them. One he spent more time he'd like to admit replaying Jaebum's curt goodbye in his head. (He also thought about shy smiles and crinkled eyes and how he'd love to see more of them). In the end though, it had been business as usual. No tension or awkwardness. Well, none apart for the one he feels at times, afraid Jaebum would guess what he himself isn't too clear about.

 

BamBam sighs as if Youngjae is acting difficult. "You're going because you've cooped yourself up at the library too much for your own good. You're busy, yes, but we haven't seen you in ages, hyung."

 

Youngjae opens up his mouth but Yugyeom speaks up before he can."And no, some shared lunch times here and there don't count."

 

BamBam glances back at Youngjae and nods in agreement. Youngjae buries his head in his pillow again, his cheeks flushing and his heart heavy. He hasn't had a lot of free time these last few weeks, but he could have allocated it better. His hooking up with Jaebum shouldn't be a priority over spending more time with his friends.

 

He should put an end to it. The stress relief and pleasure he draws from their encounters are not worth the guilt, let alone the growing unease of wanting more. It's not a new thought. In fact, it has been coming and going like a tide for the last few weeks. He hasn't been able to come to a resolution, though. Or at least not one which doesn't begin to fade the moment Jaebum texts him, to disappear bit by bit with each of his touches.

 

After some more rummaging, BamBam throws something at his head. Youngjae lifts it up and looks at it with circumspection. It's a shirt BamBam had all but forced him to buy a few months back. He hasn't worn it once since. The way the red fabric clings everywhere make him too self-conscious for that.

 

He's about to protest when Mark breaks his silence at long last. "I can't believe I'm saying this but they're right, Youngjae. All you've done lately is work."

 

"And Jaebum hyung." Yugyeom stage whispers.

 

He catches up the pillow Youngjae throws at his face without so much batting an eyelash and high-fives BamBam with his free hand. Both of them snicker. Youngjae turns his head towards Mark. But the latter has once again checked out the conversation and is frowning down at his phone like it's committed some personal offense towards him.

 

"Why can't we stay here and have a nice night by ourselves then?"

 

"Free booze, that's why." BamBam crosses his arms, looking down at Youngjae like he's one remark away from raising hell. "Also I have on good authority that a certain someone will be here, and Mark hyung has to get moving on that front."

 

"You're talking about Jinyoung?" Mark asks as if there was another person he spent a whole semester trying to get closer to.

 

Yugyeom doesn't even try to conceal his disrespect and rolls his eyes. "Well, duh. Why, got someone else you're helplessly pining after?"

 

He catches the pillow Mark throws at him with the same ease he did Youngjae's. He hugs both close and makes some finger hearts in response to Mark's scowl, much to BamBam's amusement.

 

Youngjae can't help but laugh too at the youngest's antics but there's a feeling of inevitability washing over him. He can't bail. Mark has liked Jinyoung for a while now, and while they're friendly enough they don't have the same social circle. As such, they haven't had a lot of opportunities to hang out, so this could be a chance to make progress. And while Mark is a grown man, Youngjae would feel like a terrible dongsaeng if he wasn't here for moral support, should it prove to be necessary.

 

Not that BamBam and Yugyeom would give him the chance not to go but he likes to pretend he has a choice in the matter. He examines the shirt again and winces. He catches BamBam's smirk before the latter throws him the tighter pants he owns at his face.

 

Funny how his shopping with BamBam so often ends with buyer's regret.

 

Mark gives him a wry smile and a half-shrug. Eldest or not, their fates are sealed and they both know it.

 

 

 

-

They get to the party around 11, in some flat near campus. It's loud and packed, with half of the people here drunk or well on their way there. Not quite his crowd. Youngjae stops at the door, but before he can turn back, he is shoved forward. He turns back and meets BamBam and Yugyeom's wide-eyed innocent looks, none of which he buys, not even for a second.

 

But he's here, shirt and pants clinging to everything and there's only one way to feel better. Alcohol.

 

His plan? Grab a few beers, stick to Mark and say hello to some people along the way. Then wait two hours or so until it'll be deemed acceptable for him to go back to his room. Where he'll spend another two hours playing games like he first intended to.

 

All was well and good, except that Jackson finds them not fifteen minutes later and, after an exchange of greetings, snatches Mark and drags him away. To Youngjae's surprise, Mark doesn't protest too much and they disappear in the crowd before Youngjae can even think of following them.

 

By that time, Yugyeom was already on the dancefloor, firing it, BamBam hot on his trail. After one look at the wild thrusting and dabbing going on, Youngjae decides he isn't drunk enough for any of it. He makes his way through the throng of people and goes to the kitchen.

 

It is a mess of snacks and bottles, plastic cups on the counter and on the floor. There are quite a few people going in and out, none he knows. A few of them he'd give a lot not to see again, as a shudder runs through him at some of the glances thrown his way. He pinches the fabric of his shirt in a desperate attempt to make it cling less to his body and makes his way to the counter, grabbing a beer.

 

The urge to stay here until a time his dongsaengs would find it acceptable for him to leave is strong. Unfortunately, the advice his sister drilled into him after one last hug before he boarded the train to Seoul rings loud and clear in his mind. "You're too amazing to be a wallflower, baby brother. So don't be one."

 

With a sigh and one last forlorn look at the messy kitchen, he makes his way through the crowd again. He sees a few people he knows from classes, but he doesn't approach them, still hoping to snatch back Mark. Sane, quiet, with the same stance on parties than him Mark. They spent the last party they've been dragged to drinking and eating everything they could find while hidden away in some corner. Youngjae longs for more of that now. He's texted him but Mark hasn't responded. Not that Youngjae's surprised: Mark is terrible at checking his phone. Youngjae's not even sure he has it with him.

 

In the end, it's not Mark he spots but Jinyoung. Youngjae envies the nonchalant way he's leaning on the wall. He's always so effortlessly graceful. And yet there is something so composed about him. Like he doesn't intend to let anyone, let alone himself, down. There is an appeal in the contrast.

 

He wants to go and talk to him but he hesitates. They haven't interacted much after all. Jinyoung is one year above him and chances are they'd still be strangers if they hadn't literally bumped into each other. Jinyoung had been gracious enough to not only forgive Youngjae for dropping most of his books on him, but he had also offered help when he realized all the books were stats ones.

As a grand connoisseur of drama tropes and other clichés, Yugyeom liked to call it a "meet-cute". Youngjae suspects he only does it so much because he enjoys Youngjae's wince and the furrowing of Mark's brow whenever he uses that expression.

 

Youngjae wouldn't want to bother him. The slow, deliberate way Jinyoung's eyes sweep on the improvised dance floor talk more of people watching than a search for someone he knows. And yet, his quick tapping on the side of his bottle stops when he meets Youngjae's gaze. As always, his smile is warm and well... Youngjae did want to get to know him better after all. He smiles back and makes his way towards him.

 

-

They've been talking for a while when Jinyoung leans in close _"_ Do you want to take a look around the rooms?"

 

Youngjae tries not to choke on the swig of beer he's just swallowed. Surely he's not. He _wouldn't_ _._.. Jinyoung is the type to keep things close to his sleeves but Youngjae is sure he hasn't imagined the slight disappointment Jinyoung failed to hide when Youngjae told him he had no idea where Mark was.

 

What he's thinking must be written large and wide on his face because Jinyoung bursts out laughing, hand flying to his mouth as he shakes his head.

"Oh god, no, nothing like that. Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, » a beat of silence then he pouts. "I feel I should be at least a little offended that you looked so horrified, though. I mean, I'm pretty sure you blanched."

 

Youngjae shakes his head, trying to come up with a way to explain it without making it too obvious he was horrified on Mark's behalf.

 

"It's not.... Hum, I mean..."

 

Jinyoung lets out a short burst of laughter again."Relax, I'm just teasing you, Youngjae."

 

Thank God. Youngjae's shoulders slump with relief. "So what was it about the rooms then?"

 

Jinyoung's eyes crinkle as he grins. "Can you keep a secret?"

 

At Youngjae's nod, he leans forward, hands against is mouth as he whispers (or rather the party equivalent of whispering) in his ear. "I like to snoop around people's rooms and see what they like."

 

"What they like as in...?" Youngjae prays Jinyoung is not curious about unsavory things like people's taste in underwear.

 

"Oh, nothing too scandalous, don't worry. I'm not digging into cupboards or anything like that. I just look at their books and taste in decoration and everything else on display. To be honest, it's not too riveting most of the time, but it sure beats being the witness of one too many sloppy make-outs, or the wild dry humping which goes on under the pretense of dancing."

 

Youngjae chuckles and nods again. It's not something he has done before, but his curiosity is pricked. "I guess it's okay. I mean, we've been invited...," he trails. He wasn't, not directly, but Yugyeom knows one of the flatmates so... by proxy?

 

"Exactly! Well, come on then. The night's still young, so with some luck, there'll be at least one room free from naked horny people doing what naked horny people are bound to do." Jinyoung grabs him by the wrist and drags him towards the corridor.

 

And well it's fun. Not so much the contents of the room themselves but Jinyoung's running commentary, with its witty and sometimes snide remarks. Youngjae learns a bit more about him too, like how he is he an avid bookworm, a bit of a clean freak, has a terrible track record with plants and how he plans to get a degree in social work. He also insists that Youngjae calls him hyung, and all of it more than make up for the otherwise trivial finds their exploration brings.

 

They're making their way out of the last room they've explored when he hears a familiar laugh. He turns towards the source of the sound, but the corridor is a bit crowded so he doesn't see him right away. In the end, he spots him, a few meters away.

 

Jaebum. 

 

He's wearing tight black pants and a white t-shirt which emphasizes his tan and the breadth of his shoulders. He has his back to them and the light is faint ("for two months now, reasonable as it takes all of ten seconds to change a light bulb" Jinyoung commented on earlier), but Youngjae feels a bit winded at the sight all the same.

He stops in his tracks, gaze on the floor as he wonders what to do. Should he go say hi? He doesn't go to too many parties so he hasn't been at one at the same time as Jaebum since that first one when they. Well.. When he looks up he sees that Jinyoung, who was walking ahead of him, has stopped moving too and is looking in Jaebum's direction with a frown.

Youngjae doesn't get why until he turns towards Jaebum again and sees he's not alone. He doesn't know how he didn't see the other man at first, given how close they're standing or the fact he has a few centimeters on Jaebum, but now he's all he can see. Him and his hands on Jaebum's waist and lower back. His profile as he leans down to whisper something in Jaebum's ear, his lips touching the piercings adorning it.

 

Youngjae presses his lips together and swallows hard. He wants to avert his eyes but he finds out he can't. So he watches as if hypnotized as Jaebum takes the man's hand into his own and gives him the down to fuck smirk Youngjae is so familiar with. And after that, all Youngjae can do is take a few deep breaths to try and ease the clawing feeling which slashes him from ribcage to gut as Jaebum drags his companion right into the room he's gone through with Jinyoung not ten minutes ago.

 

It was a nice bedroom. One large pile of clothes near the bed, a desk covered in a clutter of papers and two large physics textbooks and a thin bookshelf filled with sci-fi novels with a few nonfiction books far and in between. Contrary to the overall messiness, the bed was made up, covers barely rumpled. Youngjae suspects it won't stay like it for much longer. He squeezes his eyes shut and takes a deep breath.

 

He needs a drink.

 

Jinyoung is staring at the closed door, eyebrows drawn together. He startles when Youngjae clears his throat and the smile he gives him is a bit tight.  _"_ I guess we're done with our exploration, so how about we go and hide in the kitchen now?"

 

Youngjae nods and Jinyoung once again takes him by the wrist as they make way through the throng.

 

-

"Hey, are you okay, hyung?" He asks as he watches Jinyoung play with the rim of his bottle (his second bottle of soju in the last five minutes), eyes flitting around the room.

 

"Yes, sorry. I..." He sighs and rubs his palm on his forehead. "I don't know if you've seen it but Jaebum..."

 

"Yes, I saw." He's surprised at how blasé he sounds, considering the whirlwind of emotions wrecking havoc inside him.

 

He feels lightheaded in a way that has nothing to do with the two beers he drank and everything with how he can't seem to take more than short, shallow breaths.

 

Jinyoung sighs again."I don't like how he does that. It's not safe."

 

Youngjae gulps as he thinks about a sharp turn of lips and linked hands again. He doesn't like it either.

 

He resists the urge to scoff at himself. They've never been exclusive. Contrary to the other rules, this one had been clear from the beginning. He had shrugged and with a _"_ fine by me",the consideration had been out of his mind. He used to not care one bit about who Jaebum was fucking besides him. Used to.

 

A loud clank distracts him from his thoughts. Jinyoung has set his bottle on the counter. He looks rather somber, hair disheveled as he keeps running his fingers through it.

 

Youngjae doesn't feel much like talking, doesn't feel like doing anything else but drink down a few more bottles of beer (or maybe upgrade to soju like Jinyoung did), but he can't stand how worried Jinyoung looks.

 

He takes a look around the room. People are flitting in and out and there's a few engaged in conversation, but none of them seems interested in encroaching on their corner. "We... hum, he always uses condoms, if that helps," he whispers.

 

Jinyoung lets out a noise halfway between a snort and a chortle. Youngjae ducks his head at the sound, warmth spilling in his cheeks. Why did he even say that?

 

"I know that. I guess should be relieved there's one thing he's not brainless about. Still, he didn't even try to be discreet about what he and whatshisname were up to. And while Chansung hyung tries to invite non douchebags only, some are bound to filter through." He shakes his head, "Wearing condoms doesn't mean he's safe. If nothing else, he puts himself at risk by being so blatant about where his preference in partners goes."

 

Youngjae would like to stop having to think about Jaebum having sex with someone else a few rooms away.

 

He would also like to say something about how he shouldn't have to hide. But he's not that naïve. He wasn't even before Woohyun served as a cold reminder that this was a less than ideal world. He takes some deep measure breaths to counter the weight settling in his gut. Nothing like memories of his ex to make the unpleasant experience even more so.

 

"He'll be fine."

 

"He better be. Or else... To be honest, and this may come off as weird, but I've always felt grateful to you for that."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"That arrangement you and he have.I wouldn't go as far to say it kept him on the straight," a wry smile "and narrow, but it has been great for limiting his go-out-and-find-someone-to-screw  routine. But I guess even that feels too much like commitment to him." He takes a long swig of his drink and mumbles "Slow-witted prick."

 

Youngjae remembers that time Mark and he ran into Jinyoung and Jaebum at one of the cheap coffee shops near campus. Jaebum had taken all of one look at Mark's hand on Jinyoung's arm and his whole demeanor turned surly, reminding Youngjae of a guard dog. Jinyoung's concern doesn't come in the same (abrasive, rude) flavor but it's no less obvious.

 

"You seem very protective of each other."

 

"We are. I guess we take the besties forever oath we made twelve years ago pretty seriously."

 

Youngjae snickers at Jinyoung's solemnity "Was there blood involved ?"

 

Jinyoung grins, eyes crinkling as he nods "There was, actually. Nothing too deep or anything but it didn't stop bleeding for one minute or so. I cried so hard Jaebum panicked and covered the cut with two bandaids and at least half the gauze in the first aid kit," He shakes his head, a fond smile tugging at his lips, "It was such a mess."

 

Youngjae can't help but laugh at the image, feeling a bit lighter at last.

 

They don't say much for a while, then Jinyoung turns to him, serious and looking a bit embarrassed.

 

"Hey, so I know you two don't see each other to talk, so this may never come up, but hum... Would you mind not telling Jaebum any of this? We may like to meddle in each other's lives, but we get along better if we pretend we don't. I don't know how he would take it if he knew I'd said all these things to someone he doesn't know all that much."

 

The last bit stings, but regardless of the way Jaebum makes him feel, they are little more than strangers. So he nods, " Of course, hyung. I won't."

 

Shortly after they've exchanged numbers and promised each other to try and meet more often from now on, Mark and Jackson find them. They both latch on Jinyoung, Mark barely less obvious about it than Jackson who, as it turns out, is Jinyoung's roommate. Youngjae takes his leave not an hour later, his original reason for being here rendered obsolete. Indeed, Mark seems at ease like he rarely lets himself be with people he hasn't known for a while and this at least, help loosen the vice around Youngjae's heart.

 

 

-

There's this sensation, something like a shiver along his skin. Youngjae sighs. He's being watched. Again. The stillness of his desk partner combined with the drumming of fingers on wood makes it all the more unnerving. Jaebum wants his attention. The pattern of staring with the occasional drumming of fingers on the desk which has gone on for the last 15 minutes or so spells it out loud and clear.

 

He rubs his temples where a dull pain has built up over the last hour. There hasn't been a day he hasn't had a headache since the weekend. The result of too much work and fragmented sleep. Furthermore, his hunching up over his computer has left him a severe kink in his back.

 

So he thinks he can be excused if his tone is a bit terse when he acknowledges Jaebum. "What? "

 

"What what?"

 

Youngjae refrains the urge to roll his eyes at the unparalleled eloquence. "You've been staring at me for a while now. What is it?"

 

If Jaebum is annoyed that Youngjae has been ignoring him on purpose, he doesn't show it. "Oh, that? Well... I was wondering if you'll be taking a break soon."

 

A look at his phone informs Youngjae he's been working for almost three hours straight. He could use a break.

 

"Maybe... Why?" he asks, narrowing his eyes when Jaebum smirks at his words.

 

He narrows them even more when Jaebum switches his smug expression for an innocent, borderline concerned one. Youngjae sees right through him.

 

"Oh, nothing. You've been working hard, so I thought you may be interested in taking it with me. And, you know, working on some stress relief..."  His smirk goes back full force and he gives Youngjae a heated once over.

 

At the same time, Youngjae feels something brush against his ankle. He can only gape at that.

 

"We are not doing it here! " he says, words as curt as they are loud.

 

His voice rings far above the quiet chattering and whispering going on at the other tables. He flushes when he realizes how loud he's been and catches a few annoyed looks as he glances around the room. Perfect, just perfect.

 

The mortification turns into annoyance when Jaebum bursts out laughing. Even more so that he does a better job of keeping quiet than Youngjae did, hiding his face into his arms. All that remain visible is the eye smile he keeps on Youngjae until the last of his chuckles dies down.

 

He's an asshole. Youngjae tells him as much, leaning forward to make sure he hears the whispered insult. Like the asshole he is, Jaebum only grins harder and pretends to wipe nonexistent tears of laughter from the corners of his eyes.

 

Youngjae doesn't know why he ever wished seeing more of this Jaebum, so carefree and joyful. He's also annoyed enough he's able to pretend that Jaebum's smile isn't causing some fluttering below his ribcage.

 

"Aw, Jae-yah, come on, don't be like that..." He says, obvious in his attempt to beguile Youngjae with a sweet tone of voice and a roguish turn of lips.

 

Youngjae isn't so weak that the sweet talking is working. He makes sure to let Jaebum be aware of it by looking daggers at him. Yet, the surname gives him pause. That's new, and as anecdotal as it is, the affectionate tone blindsides him. So much so that he lets the silence stretch until Jaebum's smile dims down then disappears. Until he's looking at Youngjae with a slight frown.

 

At long last, Youngjae replies, arms crossed against his chest. "I hate you."

 

"Now, there's no need to be hurtful."

 

Youngjae glares at him all the more at the sanctimonious tone, and Jaebum answers with a smile. He presses his lips in an almost pout which, combined with his eye smile makes him one of the cutest things Youngjae has seen this week. Which is saying a lot, since Youngjae's spent an hour looking at dogs videos the day before last to lift up his spirits. (Mark had joined on the fun and Youngjae was feeling so miserable that when Mark exclaimed "screw dorm rules, let's adopt a dog together!", he almost caved in).

 

"Yes, there is! It's unfair people are sending me dirty looks when you're the one proposing such a thing in the first place."

 

Jaebum reverts to his more common behavior and rolls his eyes. Youngjae bristles but there's comfort in the familiarity. He's pretty sure the glimpses of Jaebum's softer side are the reason he's developed a... thing for him, so all things considered he'd like them to remain rare occurrences.

 

"While I usually don't mind taking credit for how loud you can be, this one's on you."

 

He reclines in his seat, stretching his arms and crossing them behind his head. His lips turn up at the corners, making him the picture perfect image of smug nonchalance. Youngjae can't help but scoff, annoyed at the statement and the posing.

 

"Not addressing that, where would you have proposed we'd do it?"

 

Jaebum cocks an eyebrow at him. "So you've changed your mind?"

 

"Don't push it. I'm just curious about why you thought this was something feasible in the first place. The library is more than packed."

 

Jaebum smirks again. He resumes his previous position, elbows on the table with his head resting on the back of his hands. Youngjae shifts on his chair at Jaebum's long, lingering gaze.

 

"The Japanese literature section in the basement. The room is cold and there aren't any desks or chairs so it is pretty much always desert."

 

Youngjae wonders if he's already been there with someone for him to be so sure they wouldn't be disturbed. The question is on the tip of his tongue but he knows better than to pick up at scabs. Furthermore, there's no doubt he wouldn't be able to fake nonchalance enough to not give away the way his chest is clenching at the thought. It's bad enough he has to struggle with his irrational hurt and jealousy, he doesn't need Jaebum to become aware of it.

 

He gives a smile he hopes looks less stiff that it feels. "Ok. Good to know I guess if I ever feel like adding exhibitionism to my kinks."

 

Jaebum grins. "Be sure to let me know if you do,  I'd love to explore that with you."

 

"Sure, I'll do that,"  Youngjae says, deadpan, which makes Jaebum's grin grow wider.

 

Youngjae tries not to react, lest he encourages him, but there is something disarming about the full wide grin. It looks guileless and sweet when the conversation is anything but that. Youngjae shakes his head but in the end, he can't help the smile tugging at his lips.

 

"You're unbelievable." He aims for chiding but it comes out almost fond.

 

His stomach lurches at the realization but Jaebum seems none the wiser as he chuckles.

 

"Hey, I'm just trying to expand your horizon. I thought that as a psych student you would appreciate it."

 

"What, like welcome to Kinks 101?"

 

"Sure. With a  hands-on  approach. Always nice, you have to admit."

 

Disbelief shocks a short burst of laughter out of him. "What's next? Do you want me to call you Professor Im and to beg you to not fail me, please, please Sir, I'll do anything ?"

 

"Eh. Not really my thing to be honest. More importantly, wouldn't the A-grade student in you would balk at that ?"

 

"Yes but that's why it's called roleplay I think, it allows you to play out... You know what? No. Nope. Let's stop this conversation right there."

 

Jaebum laughs again and Youngjae lets out a long-suffering sigh before he turns his attention back to his work. He figures out the best way of action is to ignore him. At least he's nice enough he informs him he'll stop paying attention to him from now on. So of course, Jaebum being an asshole, as established earlier, laughs even harder. Which Youngjae pretends he doesn't hear as he gets back to his work like he pretends he can't feel his cheeks warm up or that he doesn't have to fight a smile at the long string of sad face emojis Jaebum texts him.

 

 

-

While they don't go for public sex at the library, they meet later on, after they're both done with their shifts. It's the middle of the night, a change of their usual pace of mornings and afternoons, times they favor because fewer people are in the dorm then. Jaebum may not be the most cautious person around but even he knows better than to seek trouble right at his doorstep.

 

It's the first time they hook up since the party happened, with its badly lit corridor and a slam of a door which shook Youngjae to his core. Like he's done all week, he pushes away the thought as Jaebum closes the door behind them.

 

Still, his mind doesn't stop there and conjures up made-up images of Jaebum and his most recent hook-up. Closing his eyes, Youngjae grits his teeth against the onslaught and answers to Jaebum's kisses with biting ones of his own and grips him by the hips and waist, pulling until they fall on the bed, meld against each other.

If he came to regret their frantic pace a few weeks back, now it's all he wants and more. He wants it fast and too much, everything until he can't think anymore, until Jaebum's caresses set aflame and turn to ash any unwanted memories or thought. Until he forgets everything except for the way Jaebum makes his body sing.

 

He opens his legs and Jaebum rearranges himself between them. He rubs their crotches together, hands clenched on Youngjae's ass at the same time he slides his body down, rolling his hips against Youngjae's bulge. Youngjae arches against him and wraps his legs around his waist, tightening them to increase the friction and pressure. He's burning up, heart thrumming in his chest and blood pulsing against his temples.

He grabs Jaebum's hair and twists it, loving the pained groan it gets him. Jaebum retaliates by biting down on his lower lip hard. Youngjae breaks the kiss long enough to glare at him. Jaebum smiles and rolls his hips against him so slow and good Youngjae throws his head back and lets out a long drawn moan.

 

Then they're kissing again, lips and tongues mashing and gliding without any finesse. At the same time, they give up any semblance of pace as they grind against each other. They stop just long enough to undress at long last, clothes thrown all over the room without care.

 

Youngjae laughs as Jaebum struggles with his sock, which earns him a glare, a resounding slap on his ass and a biting "s _hut up"_  pressed against his lips. Still, he doesn't stop snickering until Jaebum wraps a hand against his shaft and presses his lower lip against a nipple. Youngjae hisses at the first touch of Jaebum's piercings and moans as Jaebum rub them against the nub, as slow and tantalizing as his hand on Youngjae's cock.

 

"What do you want?"  Jaebum asks, voice low and rough before he goes back to suck on his nipple.

 

Youngjae moans, one hand carding through Jaebum's hair while the other trails down. He traces Jaebum's abs with the tip of his fingers and smiles when his touch causes the skin to raise. He goes lower still, fingers tapping a pit-a-pat rhythm below Jaebum's navel.

 

Jaebum bucks his hips and groans when Youngjae fists his shaft, the volume of his voice rising at the teasing touch on his slit.

 

"I want your cock."

 

Jaebum lets go of Youngjae's nipple with a final lick and stretches up to kiss him, wet and messy.

 

"Meaning? Do you want to blow me or for me to fuck you ?"

 

Youngjae licks Jaebum's lips and takes the lower one between his teeth, nipping at the flesh and snake bites. "Both."

 

At Youngjae's answer, Jaebum growls and sits up to rummage through his cupboard, movements fast and efficient. Youngjae sits up too, and stares as Jaebum rolls the condom on his cock and grips himself tight at the base with a low grunt.

 

Jaebum gets on his knees and he looks down at him with half-lidded eyes.Youngjae licks his lips as he runs his finger along the underside of his cock and teases the skin below the head. Jaebum groans and bucks his hips forward, until his cock is a breath away from Youngjae's face, who responds to the eagerness with a flick of his tongue against the same spot. It's enough to taste the banana flavor of the condom. He grimaces. Not his least favorite, but not far.

 

Jaebum chuckles and runs a thumb along Youngjae's cheekbone, "Sorry, I know you don't like them, but I'm fresh out of the strawberry flavored ones."

 

There was at least one more the last time Youngjae sucked him off.

 

Youngjae pushes the thought away but the tightness spreads along his ribcage regardless. His breaths are coming short and quick and if he has to feel this winded, he might as well be for a less painful reason. He wraps his lips around the head and slides his mouth down the shaft in one go until his nose brushes the coarse pubic hair. His mouth feels full and he struggles to relax his throat around the cock head.

 

"Fuck!" Jaebum gasps as he slams his hips forward.

 

With his hand, he grips Youngjae's hair to keep him in place and after a few tentative thrusts picks up the pace until he's fucking Youngjae's mouth in a bruising manner.

 

And for now, the way Jaebum is coming undone is enough to make him forget the constricting of his heart. Youngjae loves it, loves how air sounds punched out of Jaebum with each inch he swallows. He loves the tensing of muscles he can feel under his hands splayed on stomach and thigh, the low reverberating grunt he makes when Youngjae hollows his cheeks to apply tight suction to the shaft. He loves how Jaebum brushes the pads of his thumbs at the corner of his eyes to collect the tears forming there. How he continues the slow, soothing motions long after they're gone, all the while fucking his mouth at a ruthless pace.

 

Youngjae moans as Jaebum's dick slides in and out of his mouth, the tight grip on his hair rendering him unable to do anything but take it.

 

But as much as he loves it, he wants Jaebum to fuck him even more. He lets go of Jaebum's ass to grip at his hips and pushes. Jaebum stops after one or two more thrusts, sliding out of Youngjae's mouth with a pained groan.

 

He gazes down at Youngjae and groans again, eyes closing as he grips himself. "You look so hot, fuck..."

 

Youngjae caresses the back of Jaebum's thighs while the latter gets himself under control. Jaebum opens his eyes again after a few seconds, lips parted and tongue darting to lick them.

 

" Fuck me." Youngjae says, enjoying the quick rise and fall of Jaebum's chest before he's shoved on his back.

 

"With pleasure."

 

It doesn't take long until Youngjae is propped up on pillows, with Jaebum running two fingers along his rim, eyes never leaving his. Youngjae groans as Jaebum pushes at his thighs until he's bent in half and replaces his fingers with his tongue.

 

Heat build up in his stomach at the sensation, and he brings a hand to his mouth to muffle his moans as Jaebum plays with the rim a bit, licking it before he breaches it with the tip of his tongue. Youngjae can feel himself clench around it and Jaebum hums, sliding his tongue all the way in while he sucks on the rim.

 

Youngjae moans louder, thighs trembling and eyes rolling at the back of his head as Jaebum tongue fucks him. It feels so good he almost doesn't mind the smirk Jaebum sports when he crawls back up and fingers Youngjae open.

 

Once he's done, he places Youngjae's legs on his shoulders and rubs the tip of his cock against Youngjae's pucker. Youngjae arches against him but as much as Jaebum likes it rough, he always takes his sweet time with him. This time is no exception and Youngjae wants to scream at the slow, maddening pace with which he's breaching him.

 

In retrospect, "Could you go any slower ?" was not the smartest thing to say.

 

Jaebum smiles at him all sweet and with a "Sure can", he stops moving, chuckling when Youngjae tells him he hates him for the second time this day.

 

Luckily for Youngjae, Jaebum's impatience plays in his favor again and he doesn't have to wait long until he's ramming into him with enough force to rattle the bedframe. The hands on Youngjae's thighs are so warm he feels they could burn him with the slightest increase in pressure. Moans are ripped out of him as Jaebum seems to have the uncanny ability to guess when he tries to stomp on them. So whenever he does, Jaebum pulls out almost all the way before slamming back into him. And then it's not moans Youngjae has to bite down on or try to muffle with his palm, but cries of pleasure.

 

"God, you feel so good.."

 

Youngjae doesn't know why (the fact that Jaebum's eyes are closed and that he could be imagining anyone else ? Or the line, so familiar, which suddenly sounds so impersonal, almost straight out of a porno ?) but suddenly he's reminded that Jaebum's said those exact same words to countless others, one no earlier than the previous week. And who knows how many since. In the end, their banter and easy conversation amount to nothing. Youngjae feels cheap and replaceable and the utter ridiculousness of his growing feelings hits him square in the face.

 

He closes his eyes and tries to focus on nothing else but Jaebum fucking into him, the white heat intensifying whenever he hits his prostate dead on. It's working too, except Jaebum stops all of a sudden.

 

Youngjae's eyes fly open, growl building in his throat but before he can ask Jaebum what is wrong with him, the latter asks a question of his own:

 

"Am I hurting you?"

 

For one awful, terrifying second Youngjae's afraid Jaebum has seen right through him, but then he realizes he's with all certainty talking about the dick in his ass.

 

"What? No, of course not! What brought this up?"

 

Jaebum frowns and purses his lips, "Are you sure? You seemed...uncomfortable."

 

Youngjae wants to laugh, at the question, at the way something rattles loose in his chest at Jaebum's gentle tone, at the position they're _still_ locked in.

 

"Believe me, I was fine. The only thing I'm uncomfortable with is our current position which, while great for fucking, is not my favorite one for conversation, as it turns out."

 

Jaebum ducks his head and snickers, which doesn't help the heat creeping across Youngjae's cheeks. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, barely resisting the urge to cover his face with his hands.

 

When Jaebum leans in to kiss him. Youngjae bites his lips as a payment for the whole ordeal. Jaebum snickers again but their kisses soon turn heated as he resumes his thrusting.

 

-

As always it's good, mind-blowingly so but later on, when Youngjae is laying in his own bed, he can't remember why he started the whole thing. He was lonely and heartbroken sure, and it did help, for a while.

But now the hollowness in his chest echoes the one his break up with Woohyun carved into him.

He can't allow things to go on any further.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me @ myself: stop hurting Youngjae ಠ_ಠ. (also this got so emo I can't believe it).
> 
> sorry for the slow update btw, life got a bit complicated so I couldn't find the time let alone the motivation to write. (and since I didn't write for a few weeks I was ???HOW DOES THIS WORK AGAIN???, so I can only hope it doesn't show too much.)


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